The Monday Blues

Good Morning Lovies. I hope the day treats you well. It definitely feels like a Monday, and I have the blues. I have been finding it hard to sit down and write; not because there aren't things to write about... more like, there are things I'd rather not put in my blog because it's things we have to hear about every day. I'd like to keep my blog more about my own personal things or events around me that effect me.

I've been spending the past week or so, really thinking about my health and what things AND people are good for me; and which I think I need to distance myself from.

I have already made my circle as small as I thought it ever would be; now it seems I need to close the door to even more people... something I was NOT prepared to do.

 It is weighing heavily on me right now.

You know when you get so disappointed in yourself, you don't have the words to express it to anyone else; so you sit with it weighing on your heart and soul??? THAT'S where I am currently.

I don't know if it is my own mental state, my own cPTSD, my own insecurities, or my incessantly over-thinking that is doing this to me. All I know is, I am alone in this. I have people around me; but I feel like I am in a massive crowd where everyone is faceless. 

I scream, but there is no sound. 

I cry, but there are no more tears.

I speak, but I have no words. My voice is gone. It seems that my soul is tired; and my heart needs rest. I don't know where I go from here... the only thing I DO know is I canNOT keep feeling like this. This is on no one but me. Stay safe. Be blessed.

~ Phoenix